


The Immortality Support Group Chat

by anon_carrots



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Crack, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family Bonding, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, Historical References, Humor, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Light Angst, Literary History References, M/M, Memes, Meta, No Plot/Plotless, Swearing, Team as Family, Technology, Texting, andy drinks vodka, andy is tired of this shit, art history references, booker is depressed, chat fic, discussion of the great tumblr porn ban, joe is secretly a memelord, nicky is wholesome, nile is baby, nile teaching her immortal family about technology, probably some Historical Inaccuracy but I'm trying my best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25606672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anon_carrots/pseuds/anon_carrots
Summary: joe mama: nile made us a groupchat nickyjoe mama: which is something i’ve been meaning to do since like the 50’s lololandeeznuts: The Internet has only been around since the 80’s, Joe.joe mama: o my bcruGAYder: Joe, what does that mean?still in deNile: Nicky, how come you don’t know any of this slang or texting stuff but your husband texts like THAT???Nile teaches her new immortal family about modern texting etiquette, meme culture, and technology. Or not.AKA the Old Guard chat fic nobody asked for
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, implied Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko
Comments: 69
Kudos: 406





	1. Group Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for canon-typical cursing, reference to the Great Tumblr Porn Ban, and canon-typical apathy toward death.

**_Nile Freeman_ ** _started the chat_

**_Nile Freeman_ ** _added_ **_Andromache of Scythia_ ** _,_ **_Nicolo di Genova_ ** _, and_ **_Yusuf Al-Kaysani_ ** _to the chat_

**Andromache of Scythia:** I don’t understand why we need to communicate like this.

**_Nile Freeman_ ** _changed_ **_Andromache of Scythia_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_andy_ **

**_Nile Freeman_ ** _named the chat_ **_Immortality Support Group_ **

**Nile Freeman:** It’s the 21st century, Andy

 **Nile Freeman:** Not all of us still send letters to each other via messenger hawk

**andy:** Technology makes us too easy to track, I thought I told you this already.

**Nile Freeman:** Copley told me he made our phones untraceable, dw!!

**Nicolo di Genova:** What does ‘dw’ mean?

**Nile Freeman:** don’t worry :)

**Nicolo di Genova:** I’m not worried, I just want to know what it means.

**_Nile Freeman_** _changed_ ** _Nicolo di Genova_** _’s nickname to_ ** _nicky_**

**Nile Freeman:** No no it means ‘don’t worry’ haha

**nicky:** I see. Thank you for clarifying, Nile.

**Nile Freeman:** np!

**nicky:** What does ‘np’ mean? 

**Nile Freeman:** ‘no problem’

 **Nile Freeman:** Haha sorry I should probably avoid using too much slang around you guys

**andy:** I still think this is a bad ides.

 **andy:** I mean idea.

**_Yusuf Al-Kaysani_ ** _changed_ **_Nile Freeman_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_still in deNile_ **

**_Yusuf Al-Kaysani_ ** _changed_ **_andy_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_andeeznuts_ **

**Yusuf Al-Kaysani:** woooo! lets get this party started beaches

**_Yusuf Al-Kaysani_ ** _changed_ **_nicky_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_light of my life, brighter than the sun and the moo_ **

**Yusuf Al-Kaysani:** shit i ran out of room

**_still in deNile_ ** _changed_ **_Yusuf Al-Kaysani_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_joe mama_ **

**light of my life, brighter than the sun and the moo:** Joe, do you understand what’s going on?

**_still in deNile_ ** _changed_ **_light of my life, brighter than the sun and the moo_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_cruGAYder_ **

**joe mama:** nile made us a groupchat nicky

 **joe mama:** which is something i’ve been meaning to do since like the 50’s lolol

**andeeznuts:** The Internet has only been around since the 80’s, Joe.

**joe mama:** o my b

**cruGAYder:** Joe, what does that mean?

**joe mama:** ‘my bad’

**still in deNile:** Nicky, how come you don’t know any of this slang or texting stuff but your husband texts like THAT???

**joe mama:** what can i say

 **joe mama:** i’m just a renaissance man

**cruGAYder:** Joe has always adapted to technology faster than me. 

**cruGAYder:** Also, he doesn’t help around the house.

**andeeznuts:** In other words, he wastes all his time on the Internet.

**joe mama:** hey i just have a vested interest in keeping up with each civilization’s technology

 **joe mama:** also memes funny

**still in deNile:** Wow who would have thought Joe was so technologically advanced

**joe mama:** hey SOMEONE has to stay, as the kids say, woke

**cruGAYder:** I think I need an Internet dictionary. 

**andeeznuts:** Try UrbanDictionary.com. That’s what I’ve been using this whole time.

**still in deNile:** OMG Andy no!!! 

**cruGAYder:** Why, is it bad?

**andeeznuts:** No

**still in deNile:** YES

**joe mama:** it’s ok nicky bb i gotchu

 **joe mama:** ‘bb’ means ‘baby’ btw

**cruGAYder:** And what does ‘btw’ mean?

**joe mama:** ‘by the way’

**cruGAYder:** Thank you, Joe :)

**joe mama:** omg u learned how to type the smiley!!! 

**joe mama:** i’m so proud of u nicky ٩(˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́)و

**andeeznuts:** And you two arw disgusting, as usual.

 **andeeznuts:** I mean are.

 **andeeznuts:** I hate these tiny keyboards.

**still in deNile:** You can make your text and keyboards bigger in your settings, Andy

**joe mama:** yea just look for the ‘old people font’ boss

**andeeznuts:** Joe, I will cut your ‘deez nuts’ off the next time I see you.

 **andeeznuts:** That’s a promise.

**still in deNile:** Ok but like none of you guys even had smartphones until a few days ago, how did Joe learn to talk like that in such a short amt of time

**joe mama:** hey, i’ve been lurking around the ‘net since before u were even born

**cruGAYder:** We have a desktop computer in some of our more modern houses. They are… several decades old, I believe.

**still in deNile:** Geez, how did you guys even know how to deal with technology before Copley? 

**joe mama:** … 

**andeeznuts:** … 

**cruGAYder:** It was Booker’s job. 

**cruGAYder:** He is most familiar with it, since he was the youngest before you came along.

**still in deNile:** Oh

 **still in deNile:** shit

 **still in deNile:** I’m sorry

**andeeznuts:** Not your fault.

**joe mama:** hey nicky

 **joe mama:** i think your pie is burning

**_cruGAYder_ ** _is typing…_

 **_cruGAYder_ ** _is typing…_

**still in deNile:** Uh oh

 **still in deNile:** It’s been like 5 mins

 **still in deNile:** Joe are you guys ok???

**andeeznuts:** If their house burns down they deservw it.

 **andeeznuts:** I mean deserve

**still in deNile:** Btw Andy, most people just put an asterisk and the word they meant to type if they make a mistake

**andeeznuts:** Oh

**cruGAYder:** Joe, we are in the same house. Why did you TEXT me about the pie?

**still in deNile:** You’re alive!! Did everything turn out ok??

**cruGAYder:** At least we didn’t set anything on fire.

**joe mama:** pie dead :(((

**andeeznuts:** Don’t care. 

**cruGAYder:** I think that’s enough Internet for me today.

**joe mama:** :(((

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Nile Freeman_ ** _started a chat with_ **_Sebastien Le Livre_ **

**Nile:** Hey Booker

 **Nile:** Hope I got the right number from Copley

**Sebastien:** …Nile?

 **Sebastien:** Why are you texting me

**Nile:** I just wanted to check up on you

**Sebastien:** You aren’t supposed to talk to me for another 99 in a half years

**Nile:** No, you were only exiled from the group for 100 years

 **Nile:** Nobody said anything about texting you

**Sebastien:** Touche.

 **Sebastien:** I still don’t know why you care, though

**Nile:** I just thought you might be lonely

**Sebastien:** Well, that’s kind of the point of exile

**Nile:** Yea, but 

**Nile:** If it were me, I’d want someone to reach out to me

 **Nile:** So… yea

**Sebastien:** Don’t let Andy hear you talking like that

 **Sebastien:** She’d be disappointed

**Nile:** Haha yea I figured

**Sebastien:** So how’s life with the group?

**Nile:** It’s nice. Chaotic. but I feel like they really care about me

**Sebastien:** How’s Andy?

**Nile:** Good, I think

 **Nile:** She teaches me a lot of stuff

 **Nile:** and drinks a lot of vodka

 **Nile:** But otherwise doesn’t seem as sad as she used to

**Sebastien:** That’s good to hear

**Nile:** How’s things for you?

**Sebastien:** Quiet

 **Sebastien:** Lonely

**Nile:** Copley keeps tracking your GPS to this one bar every night

**Sebastien:** Well, tell him to stop

 **Sebastien:** It’s not too different from when we usually split ways for awhile, though

**Nile:** That’s what you do whenever you don’t have a mission?

**Sebastien:** Mostly

 **Sebastien:** Andy’s the same, but Nicky and Joe always go off on another freaking honeymoon or something every time we break

**Nile:** I figured

 **Nile:** It’s nice that they have each other, I guess

 **Nile:** …but I really miss my family

**Sebastien:** … 

**Nile:** Wish I could text my brother like this one last time

**Sebastien:** I understand how you feel 

**Sebastien:** I’m sorry

**Nile:** Me too

**Sebastien:** I wish I could tell you it gets better but

 **Sebastien:** Look at me

 **Sebastien:** The only thing we can do is keep moving forward, in the end

 **Sebastien:** Struggle through it together

 **Sebastien:** As a team

**Nile:** … 

**Sebastien:** It’s hard I know

 **Sebastien:** Joe and Nicky have each other

 **Sebastien:** And even Andy had Quynh from… before

 **Sebastien:** But they’re there for you

 **Sebastien:** That’s what I couldn’t see

 **Sebastien:** Don’t make the same mistakes I did

**Nile:** …I’ll try not 

**Sebastien:** this probably doesn’t help but

 **Sebastien:** as long as the others don’t know 

**Sebastien:** I’d be ok with texting you like this every now and then, if you want

**Nile:** I think I’d like that 

**Nile:** Thanks, Booker

**Sebastien:** Of course

 **Sebastien:** But also tell Copley to stop tracking me

 **Sebastien:** That’s creepy

**Nile:** No promises :)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_still in deNile_ ** _added_ **_James Copley_ ** _to_ **_Immortality Support Group_ **

**andeeznuts:** What the fuck.

**still in deNile:** He asked me to add him, gave me a bunch of tech-y reasons I didn’t really catch

**James Copley:** Don’t mind me, I just wanted to keep an eye on your phone signals and the best way to do that is to have access to your chat

**andeeznuts:** That sounds fake, even to me.

**_joe mama_ ** _changed_ **_James Copley_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_my mortal_ **

**joe mama:** yoooo welcome to the squad copley

**my mortal:** …holy shit 

**still in deNile:** You see what I mean??

**joe mama:** what

**my mortal:** Nile you were right

 **my mortal:** He talks like a twelve-year-old

**still in deNile:** And yet he’s like a thousand in real life

**andeeznuts:** I still don’t approve of Copley being here. 

**still in deNile:** Sorry boss, but even I don’t understand half the stuff he can do with tech, so he sort of talked his way in

**andeeznuts:** Whatever. I need more vodka for this shit

**still in deNile:** Hey, Joe, you should show Copley your favorite meme

**_joe mama_ ** _sent:_ loss.jpg

**my mortal:** Oh my God

 **my mortal:** Is this a sign that the end is nigh?

**cruGAYder:** I don’t get it. 

**joe mama:** issok bb i still love u

**cruGAYder:** If you really loved me, you would come back to bed instead of texting on the toilet.

**my mortal:** Are they seriously always like this

**andeeznuts:** Welcome to teh club. At least you can die and escape eventually. 

**andeeznuts:** *the

**my mortal:** I thought you could also die now, Andy

**andeeznuts:** Yeah, but I couldn’t for the last one thousand years

**still in deNile:** Hey Nicky, do you have a favorite meme too?

**cruGAYder:** I still don’t really understand what that means, but here’s one I like:

**_cruGAYder_ ** _sent:_ nyancat.jpg

**cruGAYder:** I find it very charming :)

**still in deNile:** Nicky, youre learning !!

**cruGAYder:** All thanks to Joe :)

 **cruGAYder:** He is very wonderful at teaching me these things :)

 **cruGAYder:** I love him very much :)

**still in deNile:** Awwwwww

**joe mama:** alright alright i’m coming back to bed

**cruGAYder:** :)

**andeeznuts:** OK, that’s enough smiley faces for today.

**my mortal:** I think I might vomit

**andeeznuts:** I’m taking a shit for every single smiley face he sends from now on

 **andeeznuts:** *shot

**joe mama:** you mean you havent been already?? clearly i need to try harder

**andeeznuts:** Hopefully my liver gives in soon so I don’t have to keep reading these texts

 **andeeznuts:** I see enough of this shit in person

 **andeeznuts:** Nile, I can’t believe you’ve done this to me.

**still in deNile:** Sorry boss

**my mortal:** Oh man, I knew they were bad, but I didn’t know they were *that* bad

**andeeznuts:** Should’ve thought about that before you decided to jump in.

**still in deNile:** Wait Andy

 **still in deNile:** Do YOU have a favorite meme too?

 **still in deNile:** If you’ve been using urban dictionary for slang this whole time you have to know what those are, right?

**my mortal:** I’m sorry, she’d been doing WHAT now??

**_andeeznuts_ ** _sent:_ thisisfine.png

**still in deNile:** Oohhhh, a classic

 **still in deNile:** And yes, she’s been using urban dictionary as an actual dictionary, Copley

**my mortal:** …I have no words

**andeeznuts:** I find it very educational

 **andeeznuts:** I’ve learned so much about the current generation’s sense of humor

 **andeeznuts:** And, like, 12 new sex positions even I didn’t think of.

**joe mama:** if u want real porn u should try good ole tumblr.com 

**still in deNile:** I don’t want to think about the fact that you and Nicky were both so quiet until we brought up sex

**my mortal:** Wait, didn’t Tumblr *just* enact a porn ban?

**joe mama:** WAIT

**still in deNile:** Hm I just googled it and looks like copley’s right

**joe mama:** WHAT

**andeeznuts:** What the fuck is a ‘female-presenting nipple’

 **andeeznuts:** How do they look different from male nipples

**my mortal:** I don’t like the implication that there are biologically male yet effeminate-looking nipples

**still in deNile:** How can the algorithm even tell??

**joe mama:** hgjfskfjisfjksfjsk

**still in deNile:** Plus I wonder how bad of a problem it came to be for the company to feel the need to enact the ban in the first place

**my mortal:** Of course Joe was on Tumblr, honestly, that’s definitely where he learned to text like that

**andeeznuts:** I don’t know what tumblr is, but if Joe liked it, then I automatically know it’s terrible

**cruGAYder:** Why is Joe so worked up about a website?

**joe mama:** tHEY GOT RID OF ALL PORN, NICKY

 **joe mama:** aLL OF IT SLDJGHASLGJ

**cruGAYder:** I don’t understand. 

**andeeznuts:** Me neither

**cruGAYder:** Joe is now on our balcony, screaming at the pigeons on our roof.

 **cruGAYder:** I think I need to go. 

**still in deNile:** …I’m so glad I started this group chat

**andeeznuts:** Another shot in honor of Joe’s tumblr, I guess. 

**my mortal:** I can’t believe this is what my life is now

**still in deNile:** May you live in interesting times, and all that

**andeeznuts:** Hey Nile, you keep asking everyone about memes

 **andeeznuts:** Do you have a favorite?

**still in deNile:** Hmm, it’s hard to pick a fav, I like anything from Twitter these days tbh

 **still in deNile:** What about you, Copley?

**my mortal:** [ https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ ](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)

**_still in deNile_ ** _has left the chat_

**andeeznuts:** I don’t get it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_Unknown number_ ** _started a chat with_ **_Andromache of Scythia._ **

**Unknown number:** Hello, Andy. It’s nice to finally speak to you again after 500 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be just pure crack but then a little bit of angst snuck into nile and booker's convo bc it's booker
> 
> So I went ahead and marked the work as complete, since I only intended to write this as a one shot, but it was honestly so much fun to write and I love these characters and this whole movie so much, so I might consider adding more in the future. Please drop a comment and let me know what you think of the fic :D
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Fanfiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cruGAYder: What is a ‘fanfic’?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a bit where Nile and Copley were forced to explain the concept of ‘fanfiction’... which ended up turning into a full geek session over art and Western literature. I apologize, I was on my high school literary criticism team + am an art kid, so now I have nowhere to channel that very specific set of interests. I’ve provided a list of references for works and people discussed in the end notes for further reading.
> 
> (also just pretend everything is set before the ending of the previous chapter shhh)

  
  


**my mortal:** So. Joe.

**my mortal:** What does my nickname even mean anyway??

**joe mama:** its a reference to a harry potter fanfic

**joe mama:** called my immortal

**joe mama:** which was named after the evanescence song

**joe mama:** 10/10 very refined literature

**cruGAYder:** What is a ‘fanfic’?

**still in deNile:** It’s short for fanfiction, I think

**my mortal:** They’re works of fiction that fans of a certain work write about the original source material 

**cruGAYder:** I see.

**joe mama:** hmm it’s like...

**joe mama** : you remember dante right nicky

**joe mama:** dante alighieri, la divina commedia? 

**cruGAYder:** Oh! Yes, I do!

**cruGAYder:** I quite liked his poetry, even if the language was rather… rough, for that time.

**joe mama:** yea well, the divine comedy what we in the industry refer to as a self-insert fanfic of your christian bible

**cruGAYder:** Wait, let me guess… 

**cruGAYder:** Does that term, ‘self-insert,’ refer to how Dante wrote himself as a part of the events he imagined?

**joe mama:** yea!! now ur getting it

**joe mama:** nicky ur so smart

**cruGAYder:** Thank you, Joe!

**cruGAYder:** You are so smart to know all of this as well.

**still in deNile:** Wait, you guys knew Dante??

**andeeznuts:** They probably inspired him to write the Inferno, honestly

**andeeznuts:** He only had to spend a day with the two of them to understand what true hell was like.

**still in deNile:** I don’t know why I keep getting surprised by how many historical people you all knew

**my mortal:** My conspiracy board barely even scratched the surface of it all, huh

**joe mama:** oh and don’t forget abt all those renaissance guys 

**joe mama:** remember like leo and mikey and raph and them, nicky?

**cruGAYder:** Of course. How could I forget?

**joe mama:** all their big art pieces abt like biblical events

**joe mama:** are what’s known as fanart

**joe mama:** the visual arts version of fanfic

**cruGAYder:** I see!

**still in deNile:** Oh man, when you put it like THAT… 

**andeeznuts:** Don’t forget about Rodin

**andeeznuts:** His Gates of Hell sculpture was inspired by Dante’s poem.

**joe mama:** so if you think about it, fan works have really driven a significant portion of human culture

**joe mama:** so copley u shld feel honored i named u after arguably the MOST influential fan work

**my mortal:** I feel as though there are more than a few historians out there who would object to your use of ‘fanfiction’ to describe significant cultural artifacts

**joe mama:** well they can suck my dick

**cruGAYder:** But isn’t it so inspiring to think of how humans continuously inspire other humans to the act of pure creation, to contribute to the world in such a way?

**joe mama:** im just in it for the porn

**andeeznuts:** I would expect nothing less from you.

**still in deNile:** LOLOLOL JOE

**still in deNile:** RIP tumblr 

**cruGAYder:** Please don’t remind Joe about that again.

**andeeznuts:** From now on, whenever Joe is posing me off, I’m just going to bring up tumblr in his presence.

**andeeznuts:** *pissing

**still in deNile:** Hey wait, back on the subject of fanfic

**still in deNile:** what about Shakespeare? He had a hard-on for like the Greeks and Romans, did any of you know him?

**andeeznuts:** Nope.

**andeeznuts:** I think I was dying of the plague somewhere that whole time.

**joe mama:** nile. what kinda loser do you take me for

**joe mama:** OF COURSE i knew shakespeare!! 

**cruGAYder:** William was obsessed with many historical figures of various time periods, not just the Greeks and Romans.

**cruGAYder:** ...and he also kept stealing Joe’s poetry :(

**joe mama:** its ok i gave that one poem to him i didnt want it

**joe mama:** it kinda sucked, idk y i kept referencing women in a poem abt nicky so i scrapped it

**my mortal:** ...you can’t be serious

**my mortal:** Sonnet 20 was YOUR poem, Joe???

**still in deNile:** Which one is that??

**my mortal:** Search it up, it’s the one a lot of people think is actually about a man

**still in deNile:** HOLY shit

**joe mama:** i’m sORRY, it was just a phase ok???

**cruGAYder:** It’s okay, I love everything you create, Joe <3

**joe mama:** plus, the only reason ppl started figuring it out was bc we told oscar wilde abt it later on

**still in deNile:** Ok, somehow I’m a lot less surprised that y’all knew Oscar Wilde too

**joe mama:** we inspired him to write the picture of dorian gray actually 

**joe mama:** he saw us not aging and was like, u know what would be crazy??

**still in deNile:** LOLOLOL

**cruGAYder:** The rest of the plot is derived mostly from the Germans’ Faust, I believe.

**cruGAYder:** Another example of those fan works we were discussing!

**andeeznuts:** So nobody wants to know how the plague went? You all only care about some dipshits with a quill?

**cruGAYder:** How was the Black Death, Andy?

**andeeznuts:** It sucked.

**andeeznuts:** I don’t want to talk about it.

**still in deNile:** Wait wait wait if y’all knew shakespeare

**still in deNile:** Did he base any of his plays on Joe and Nicky???

**still in deNile:** Like… maybe… hypothetically… just thinking out loud here… Romeo and Juliet??

**joe mama:** don’t be ridiculous nile

**joe mama:** nicky and i are NOT romeo and juliet

**still in deNile:** Aw dang

**cruGAYder:** We are clearly Tybalt and Mercutio.

**joe mama:** obviously

_ Several people are typing…  _

**still in deNile:** WHAT

**my mortal:** What the hell

**andeeznuts:** I hate all of this

**andeeznuts:** It’s disgusting

**still in deNile:** HOLY SHIT

**still in deNile:** SHakespeare himself actually based characters off of you?? I was mostly joking??

**still in deNile:** Ok but who’s Mercutio and who’s Tybalt

**cruGAYder:** Joe is Mercutio.

**cruGAYder:** I could never hope to match his clever tongue, and his passion outshines even the brightest of flames. 

**cruGAYder:** William captured his essence quite nicely, but it will never match the real deal.

**joe mama:** nicky is tybalt cuz he stabbed me with a giant sword

**joe mama:** in more ways than one ;)) 

**cruGAYder:** I believe the stabbing was mutual :)

**_andeeznuts_ ** _ sent:  _ [ _ https://youtu.be/5C2jcvMv0Z0 _ ](https://youtu.be/5C2jcvMv0Z0)

**still in deNile:** AHAHAHAHA ANDY

**still in deNile:** Where did you even find that??

**andeeznuts:** I kept googling the word ‘disgusting’ until I found something I liked.

**my mortal:** I don’t know why I continue to be surprised by you all anymore

**my mortal:** This conversation is insane

**andeeznuts:** You’re insane.

**joe mama:** oooooooooo

**still in deNile:** Hey Andy, do you have any stories like 

Joe and Nicky?

**still in deNile:** Met any notable people over the years?

**my mortal:** You said you knew Rodin, right? Auguste Rodin?

**andeeznuts:** Yeah, I guess.

**andeeznuts:** I didn’t inspire him to make anything based on myself, though, not like Joe and Nicky.

**andeeznuts:** Honestly, I’m not sure if I can remember anything like that happening.

**cruGAYder:** Andy prefers a subtler touch in history.

**andeeznuts:** Or maybe I’ve just been around too long.

**my mortal:** My research only really went back a few hundred yrs anyway, I couldn’t tell you if Andy’s shown up in historical culture the way Nicky and Joe do

**cruGAYder:** I believe Andy’s influence is moreso about providing unique individuals with the means to change the world, rather than inserting herself directly into the narrative.

**joe mama:** nah she just likes to fight ppl 

**andeeznuts:** It’s always struck me as a more productive use of my time.

**my mortal:** But all of you do that to an extent, right?

**my mortal:** I saw all four of you in my WWI and WWII research, anyway

**joe mama:** but like nicky and i go on vacay in between the big shit

**joe mama:** like marathoning shakespeare’s plays as he produced them before we had to go fight in the thirty years war

**joe mama:** andy just keeps going the whole time

**andeeznuts:** What? I’m a war god.

**andeeznuts:** It’s literally in my job description.

**still in deNile:** Cmon Andy, isn’t there anything you can think of??

**still in deNile:** You really gonna let Joe and Nicky steal all the glory like that?

**my mortal:** Just the most recent one you can think of

**my mortal:** For purely scientific reasons

**andeeznuts:** Most recent one? I mean, I guess I did know Lorraine Hansberry.

**still in deNile:** HJSDGJDSFJLK SERIOUSLY????

**still in deNile:** LORRAINE HANSBERRY HERSELF??

**andeeznuts:** I didn’t inspire her to do anything, though.

**andeeznuts:** I mostly played bodyguard for her, since all the civil rights activists like her kept getting death threats.

**my mortal:** Incredible

**my mortal:** She was only one of the most significant writers of her generation and all

**joe mama:** andy probably did a little more than just bodyguarding… if u kno what i mean ;)

**still in deNile:** Andy i genuinely canNOT believe you didn’t think this was worth mentioning

**andeeznuts:** It’s not like I really convinced her to do anything that she wasn’t already capable of doing herself

**andeeznuts:** Besides, she ended up dying of cancer before she was even 35 years old. 

**andeeznuts:** It didn’t matter if I was there or not, in the end.

**cruGAYder:** It is unfair of you to think of yourself that way, Andy.

**cruGAYder:** If it was her time, then it was her time. You could not control that.

**andeeznuts:** I guess. 

**cruGAYder:** You had some good times with Lorraine, no? 

**cruGAYder:** Rather than dwell on what you could not do for her, you should instead focus on the happiness you both experienced.

**andeeznuts:** …thanks, Nicky. 

**my mortal:** BRB, gotta add this new info to the conspiracy wall… 

**_joe mama_ ** _ changed  _ **_my mortal_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_flat earther_ **

**andeeznuts:** That was the last time I really did anything like that, anyway.

**andeeznuts:** Went back to travelling pretty soon after the March on Washington. 

**andeeznuts:** Haven’t really stopped since.

**cruGAYder:** You should take more breaks, Andy.

**cruGAYder:** Joe and I will always welcome you in our homes.

**still in deNile:** Can I swing by soon if I can bribe Andy to come too

**cruGAYder:** Of course! Always :)

**cruGAYder:** Joe, you should make your shakshuka for her this time.

**still in deNile:** What’s that?

**joe mama:** eggs in purgatory, look it up ;)

**joe mama:** i’ve been perfecting my recipe for literal centuries

**cruGAYder:** BTW Nile, Andy particularly enjoys pistachio-filled baklava of the Greek variety.

**cruGAYder:** In case you need any ideas.

**andeeznuts:** Quit revealing all my secrets to her, she has to discover them on her own.

**still in deNile:** Hehe thanks nicky 

**flat earther:** Hey why did my name change again

**cruGAYder:** And why would Copley believe that the Earth is flat? In this day and age?

**still in deNile:** Oh dear lord we have to explain flat earth conspiracies to Nicky too??

**flat earther:** Oh no

**flat earther:** Here we go again

**joe mama:** ok nicky so it all began— 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> List of references:  
> -the world's most infamous fanfiction, [My Immortal](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Immortal_\(fan_fiction\))  
> -Dante's [Divine Comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divine_Comedy), which has very little basing in canonical Christian texts. I'm really not kidding when I say it's pretty much self-insert fanfiction.  
> -Rodin's [Gates of Hell sculpture](https://www.associationforpublicart.org/artwork/the-gates-of-hell/). I've seen this one in person before, it's very cool.  
> -Shakespeare's [Sonnet 20](http://shakespeare-online.com/sonnets/20detail.html) is widely debated to be about a male subject. I personally don't really have an opinion on the issue, but I thought it would be hilarious if Joe had actually written it about Nicky and Shakespeare stole it (like he did a lot of his other stuff).  
> -[Tybalt and Mercutio](sparknotes.com/shakespeare/romeojuliet/characters/) are supporting characters in Romeo and Juliet. They have a bit of... chemistry.  
> -[Lorraine Hansberry](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorraine_Hansberry) was a queer black woman whose writing was highly influential during the American Civil Rights Movement. She's best known for her play, [A Raisin in the Sun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Raisin_in_the_Sun), which was the first play written by a black woman to be performed on Broadway  
> -[Flat Earth theory](https://www.livescience.com/24310-flat-earth-belief.html)
> 
> Thank you for reading and please drop me a comment if you enjoyed! I adore all your thoughts and reactions so much!

**Author's Note:**

> alright so I guess this is no longer a one-shot because my brain is physically incapable of putting this idea down?? There's no overarching plot, just random bits of text convos I think would be hilarious for the old guard characters to have. I'm just writing as I think of new ideas, so there's also no set amount of chapters we'll end up with or an update schedule.


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